


What He Can Never Have

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Gen, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Podfic Welcome, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-13 14:03:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It will never happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Can Never Have

Hunters didn’t fall in love. They couldn’t afford it. Dean Winchester _especially_ didn’t fall in love, but somehow he had. With a freaking Angel of the freaking Lord, no less.

Dean stared up at the ceiling of the motel room, Sam’s breathing deep and even in the next bed. He didn’t even know when it had happened, exactly, or how. It might have something to do with the fact that Cas rescued him from Hell, literally put him back together. It might be the fact that Cas trusted him, had faith that he would do the right thing, believed he was _worthy._ But a big part of it, he thought, was the fact that Cas was so innocent. He might be older than eternity, but he had no real human experience, and Dean found watching him trying to come to terms with a new experience…well he found it endearing, to be honest.

It didn’t matter. Angels didn’t have sex…or at least Cas never had, and he’d been petrified when Dean took him to the whorehouse. That would have been funny, a warrior of the Lord afraid of hookers, if Dean hadn’t been kicking himself for taking him there in the first place.

Even if Cas hadn’t been a virgin, there was all this sex vs. gender social theory crap. Angels didn’t have physical bodies, at least not like humans did, so they didn’t have biological sex and might not even have gender. Cas was in a human body now, but Dean didn’t know if he experienced sexual desire, and if so if he was interested in men.

Even if he was interested in men, even if he was interested in _Dean_ (and he knew better than to hope _that_ would ever happen) he was still an Angel of the Lord, Grace intact, and Dean couldn’t touch him.

So he was stuck, in love and lust with someone who just happened to be in a male body (which was probably the only reason he was taking it so well and not having a sexual identity crisis) and he couldn’t do anything about it.

* * *

His Grace had been fading for some time now. He no longer had the power to heal Bobby, the distance he could travel grew shorter every day and the time it took to heal from wounds was increasing.

As this happened, he was experiencing more from his human body. He’d recently fallen asleep in the back seat of the Impala after helping Sam and Dean with a hunt. Dean hadn’t said anything, but Castiel knew he was worried.

He was experiencing hunger, too, and while Dean had been happy to introduce him to burgers and pie, Castiel knew that he was becoming more human all the time, and soon he would have no powers at all and be unable to help.

That rankled more than even losing his powers did. Without the ability to exorcise demons, to heal wounds, he’d be useless. Dean would cast him aside.

Dean’s good opinion of him had become more and more important since he’d defied Heaven. He supposed on one level he was looking for a substitute for the angelic hierarchy, someone to tell him what to do.

But it was more than that. With the sleep had come dreams, dreams in which Dean featured prominently. Dreams that involved lack of clothing and physical contact and bodily fluids.

He hadn’t known what to make of them at first. He knew of the existence of sexual desire as an abstract, but he’d never expected to experience it himself. He’d certainly never expected to experience it for Dean, of all people, the man who had sex at every opportunity, but, as Castiel knew very well, only with women.

He didn’t know how Dean would react if he approached him, but he was almost certain his reaction would be negative. Dean was all he had now, and he couldn’t afford to alienate him.

So he let the dreams continue, tried not to think about them when he was awake, and consigned anything else to the realm of “impossible wish.”


End file.
